When baiting a dragon, the best bait is dragon meat; Fresh, if you can get it, which you can’t, unless you have tiger blood, which you don’t. When baiting the rad, you must use only the raddest of baits, and therein lies my trouble. How does one of less than spectacular Tubularity attract the attention of eyes not used to focusing on things less wonderful than a drunken Pegasus hitting on a unicorn?
With these challenges in mind, I’m putting together a list of pledges. Lists, really; I need pledges to do both before the inevitable purchase of the house, for the purpose of persuasion, and after, for the purpose of immortalizing the act. The second list is actually easier than the first, as seen with these tantalizing tidbits of that which is called the rad:
-Charlie will be treated to a dinner at our new home, if he likes. If available, badger and manatee will be served in the finest of saffron sauces. If unavailable, we will have to recourse to the significantly less rad beef or chicken, but it will strictly be referred to as badger, in an effort the minimize the loss of awesome.
-I will commission a large heavy metal-style airbrush of Charlie and Bob Dole, bound hand-to-hand with hemp ropes, knife-fighting on a log suspended over a pool of unicorn milk. Bob Dole’s knife will be made out of Mithril, of course, while charlies will be one which he makes by closing his eyes and willing a knife of pure energy into existence, spontanious telekinetic sword-smithing being the only method of arming oneself compatible with his all-fantastic-all-the-time credo. Charlie will, of course, be clearly and substantially winning.
-I will watch an episode of Global G.U.T.S, the seminal nickelodeon american gladiators knockoff, every day for for two years, in an effort to determine where radness begins in a young person’s life. If available, I will buy charlie a piece of that glowing rock which formed G.U.T.S mountain, so that he can feed off it’s energy like a plasma leech.
These are all just a start, obviously. I want to pay the purchase of the house forward in a number of rad ways that even I can’t think of yet; but with time, I will develop my rad sense to a razor suitable for carving statues out of the most bitchin’ marble available.